Winter in the Sun
by mdelpin
Summary: Gray's dementia causes him to have trouble remembering even the important parts of his life, but at a pivotal moment, he is able to make the connection that means the most to him.


This was supposed to be a 500-word drabble for ftlgbtales reaching 500 followers but I think we can all agree that I am not capable of such a thing.

The prompt was memories

Gray glanced around the small room in confusion. It felt familiar, but at the same time, he couldn't recognize it. He hated this feeling of forgetting, but he knew there was nothing he could do about it, it was just part of his dementia.

He looked up as he heard the door of the room open, nervous as to what it would mean but relaxing when a man came in with a tray with food.

"Good morning, Gray," the man greeted him pleasantly, his air that of someone long used to this routine, but Gray could only struggle with the fact that he had no idea who this man was.

He had longish white hair that stood up in unruly spikes around his head, but the most notable thing about him was his eyes. As the man placed the tray carefully on his lap, Gray could see that they were a beautiful shade of green with brown specks in them. For a brief moment, those eyes peered at him with what Gray could only identify as hope only to quickly look away when his words were met with nothing but silence.

"My name is Natsu," he said, smiling at Gray even as his shoulders slumped and his eyes dimmed with what could only be sadness. He sat down on the bed and filled the room with incessant chatter while Gray ate his food and peered at him with quiet desperation.

Gray inherently knew he was the cause of the man's sadness. He could tell that this was not the first time they had met. That this routine was one in which they engaged daily, and he wished he could remember who this man was to him.

He quickly scanned Natsu's face, wishing something would connect in his brain, no matter how small. Anything to make Natsu smile for real, because he instinctively knew that was something to behold.

Gray finished his meal, and Natsu got up, grabbing the tray and readying himself to leave, something Gray wasn't ready for yet. He didn't want to be left alone in his haze. He noticed as he glanced out the window that the sun was out.

"Can I go outside?"

Natsu seemed surprised by his question, but he perked up and replied, "Yeah, why don't you get dressed, and I'll go put these dishes in the sink. We can go to that place you like."

Gray had no idea what that place was, but he was amazed by how seeing that small change in Natsu affected him. His heart fluttered to see the excitement mirrored in those eyes at his suggestion.

Time had no meaning for Gray, he seemed to weave in and out of his own life. Sometimes he would remember things from his past. He'd see a picture of himself in his room of when he was younger, standing with three other people, and the names Natsu, Erza, and Lucy would immediately come to mind, and Gray would smile as he remembered some of the trouble they would get into on jobs. At these times, he would focus on the man named Natsu, knowing he'd seen those eyes somewhere, but his brain just wouldn't make the connection. Maybe he could ask the nice man who took care of him.

The man brought him food, bathed him and would take him out to the garden for walks and sometimes even read him books although he seemed to have a hard time focusing on the words and Gray would smile as he noticed that his legs were continually twitching as if protesting being made to sit still.

Sometimes others came to visit, but he couldn't always remember them either, and soon no one came. It was just him and the man. One night he woke to find the man holding him in his sleep and he had screamed. It was the only time he thought he could remember seeing the man cry.

Then one day, he woke up in a strange place that was sort of like a hospital and was told he had to live there now. He had apparently decided he wanted to bathe himself in the middle of the night and had fallen and hurt himself. His kids, whom he only remembered as small children, had decided he was no longer capable of taking care of himself.

It was the most terrifying experience of his life until the green-eyed man showed up again. He told Gray that he had to live there now too, although Gray wasn't sure if he ever told him why. He didn't care, just having him again was enough to soothe his anxiety at being stuck in a place he remembered less than the one before.

Gray continued slipping in and out of his mind, but sometimes he would still have good days, and he would always spend those with Natsu, who would talk to him as if nothing had changed. He'd take him for walks in the facility's gardens, bringing a book with him, which they read as they sat on a bench. Sometimes Natsu would tell him stories about his life, about his adventures as a fire mage in a guild called Fairy Tail, even trying to convince Gray that he'd been an ice mage in the same guild. That they had been half of the guild's strongest team along with two women named Erza and Lucy and had defeated countless monsters, destroyed numerous cities, and even saved the world a few times.

Gray loved to listen to his voice, the excitement in the words piercing through his haze as nothing else could. At these times, he thought Natsu was the most beautiful creature in the world, with his shining eyes and beaming smile, and he wished that the stories were true. That he had always been a part of Natsu's life, that maybe they'd fallen in love back when he could remember everything and had shared a life together. It was a beautiful fantasy, one that disappeared far too soon for him to grasp hold of.

Gray opened his eyes and found himself in an unfamiliar place with cables attached to his body. The beeping of the machines was jarring, feeding into his growing panic. It was then he felt the hand holding his.

He looked over to see who it was and saw a man dozing in a chair by his bed. He looked familiar, but it wasn't until he opened his eyes that Gray felt he knew him.

"It's okay, love. It's me, Natsu," Gray felt his hand being squeezed, and he responded, although it was more a reflex than anything.

"Where am I?" he asked, not wanting to let on that he didn't recognize him.

"You're in the hospital, Gray. You've been here for a few months," Natsu explained, and Gray instinctively knew something was very wrong. There was a sorrow in those eyes that he couldn't remember glimpsing before, and it terrified him. He wondered what had changed, but instead of asking, he fought it off, putting up a fuss that only resulted in Natsu being asked to leave as Gray battled his feeble mind for the answers he knew must be in there.

He was dying. Gray couldn't remember why, the words the doctor had used too confusing to remain in his mind, but he decided it didn't matter. Part of him was happy, there would be no more physical pain, no more struggling to remember words, names, events, or even who he was.

If he had one regret, it was that he didn't know if the green-eyed man had anyone else. If, with his death, he was condemning him to loneliness. He hoped not. The green-eyed man had been the only one to make his dementia bearable.

Gray opened his eyes, confused to hear sobbing mixed in with the beeping he barely noticed anymore. Natsu was looking down at him, tears streaming out his eyes as he held on to both his hands tightly.

"What's the matter, love?" Gray asked worriedly, wondering why his husband was crying.

"You're leaving me," Natsu wailed piteously, and Gray startled at his words. He made room on the hospital bed, urging Natsu next to him and pulling him into his body, as close as the cables that were connected to various parts of him would allow.

"Shh, I love you," Gray cooed, running his fingers through the soft hair he had always loved, the pink had eventually given way to silver and then to white. He had loved them all, just as he had loved everything about Natsu.

He could feel himself growing weaker, but instead of seeing the bright light he had always heard about, his memories returned to him one last time. He was able to make the connection between the green-eyed man and the man that he had shared his life with through good times and bad. He was heartbroken to realize what he must have put Natsu through these last few years.

"You were so brave, and I am so sorry for leaving you alone," Gray mumbled as he felt his own tears trickle down his cheeks, "I am so happy we met, and went on adventures and fell in love and raised a family together. I had a wonderful life, and it was all thanks to you."

He turned slowly, searching out Natsu's lips with his even through the sobs. Gray was sad that he had missed out on so many opportunities to do so. It was a wet kiss, their tears intermingling but neither backed away. They held it until neither of them could breathe.

"I love you, Natsu, and if such a thing is possible, I hope we meet again in our next life, I want to fall in love with you all over again," Gray stared into the eyes that had held him together even when he was falling apart. He was fading fast, and there were so many things he wanted to say, but only one he wanted Natsu to remember, so he repeated it, "I love you, Flame Brain."

Natsu managed a snort through his tears before replying, "I love you too, Ice Princess."

"Smile for me?"

Natsu glared at him, and Gray had to laugh at the reaction, "Please?"

It wasn't the bright one he remembered, but Natsu managed to smile for him, and Gray let his heart fill with love one last time before falling into darkness.

A/N: There are various people to blame for this piece: myself for coming up with the idea in the first place. DivineBurrito and Akiko_Natsuko for convincing me to go ahead and write it and Talos (the discord bot) for picking angst out of (angst, humor, fluff).

I have never cried more writing a story than I did writing this one. I am sorry, but I hope you managed to enjoy some part of it because despite being sad I think that it is beautiful.


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